Can We Normalize Outgrowing People Without Making Somebody the Villain?

I think we've gotten way too comfortable believing that every relationship has to end because somebody did something terrible.

Somebody cheated.

Somebody lied.

Somebody betrayed somebody.

Somebody was toxic.

Somebody has to be the villain.

But what if nothing dramatic happened?

What if nobody did anything horrible?

What if two people simply aren't the same people they were when they met?

I've had people in my life who I genuinely cared about—and probably always will—but at some point I had to admit:

We don't fit anymore.

And I'm learning that doesn't automatically make either one of us a bad person.

Sometimes You Just Grow in Different Directions

I think this gets harder to accept the longer you've known somebody.

When you've been friends for 10 or 20 years, there's this unspoken expectation that the relationship is supposed to last forever.

We've been through everything together.

She knows all my secrets.

He was there when nobody else was.

That's family.

And all of those things can be true.

But here's something else that can be true:

You've changed.

Maybe they have too.

The things that connected you at 22 might not be the things that connect you at 42.

Your priorities change.

Your lifestyle changes.

Your goals change.

Sometimes your entire outlook on life changes.

And one day you can sit across from somebody you've known forever and realize you don't really know what to talk about anymore.

That's a strange feeling.

History Can Make Us Stay Longer Than We Should

This one is hard for me.

I'm a history person.

If you've been in my life a long time, that means something to me.

We've got stories.

We've got inside jokes nobody else would understand.

We've seen each other through things.

So walking away—or even creating distance—can feel like you're throwing all of that away.

But you're not.

The relationship happened.

The memories happened.

The love was real.

You don't have to pretend the entire relationship was terrible just because it doesn't work anymore.

I think that's where we get stuck.

We believe that if somebody was once important to us, they have to remain important to us in the exact same way forever.

They don't.

Every Ending Doesn't Need an Explosion

Have you ever noticed how sometimes we almost need somebody to do something terrible before we feel justified leaving?

We'll know for months—or years—that something isn't right.

But we stay.

Then the minute they do something awful, suddenly we have our reason.

See! That's why I'm done.

But what if “this relationship no longer feels good to me” was enough?

What if you didn't need evidence?

What if you didn't need screenshots?

What if you didn't need a dramatic final argument?

What if nobody needed to post a mysterious quote on Facebook afterward? 😂

Sometimes two people can simply acknowledge:

This isn't what it used to be.

And that's sad.

But sad and wrong aren't the same thing.

Some Friendships Become Work

I'm not talking about relationships requiring effort.

Anything meaningful requires effort.

I'm talking about when the entire relationship starts feeling like an obligation.

You notice you're always the one calling.

Always checking in.

Always showing up.

Always making plans.

Always fixing whatever went wrong.

Or maybe you're on the other side and you've realized you're constantly avoiding someone's calls because every conversation leaves you drained.

At some point, you have to pay attention to that.

Not every uncomfortable season means you should walk away.

But if a relationship consistently leaves you exhausted, resentful or pretending to be somebody you're not, it's worth asking why you're still holding onto it.

And sometimes the answer is simply:

Because we've known each other forever.

That's history.

That's not necessarily compatibility.

Outgrowing Someone Doesn't Mean You're Better Than Them

This is important.

When I say I've outgrown something or someone, I don't mean:

I've elevated and they're still down there.

No.

That's not what growth means to me.

Two people can grow and still grow apart.

Maybe I want a quieter life now and you want to be outside every weekend.

Neither is wrong.

Maybe I'm obsessed with building something and you're in a season where work isn't your priority.

Neither is wrong.

Maybe the things I find funny aren't funny to you anymore.

Maybe our values have changed.

Maybe we just don't connect the way we used to.

Nobody has to be superior.

We're just different.

And Yes, Sometimes It Hurts

Let's not make this sound easier than it is.

There are people you can miss and still know you shouldn't go back.

There are friendships you can think about and smile.

There are relationships that taught you things about yourself.

There are people you may always love from a distance.

Sometimes I think that's the hardest part of getting older.

You collect people along the way.

Some stay.

Some leave.

Some relationships end dramatically.

Others just slowly become Christmas texts and birthday comments.

Then one day you realize somebody who once knew everything happening in your life now only knows what you post online.

That's life.

And sometimes that realization hurts.

We Don't Have to Rewrite the Past

I don't like this thing we sometimes do after relationships end where suddenly everything was terrible.

No, it wasn't.

If somebody was good to me during a certain chapter of my life, I can acknowledge that.

If we laughed together, we laughed.

If they helped me, they helped me.

If I loved them, I loved them.

I don't have to rewrite those memories to justify why they're no longer in my life.

Maybe they were exactly who I needed then.

Maybe I was exactly who they needed too.

And maybe that's enough.

Some People Are Chapters

I've started thinking about relationships like a book.

Everybody isn't supposed to be on every page.

Some people show up early and somehow make it all the way to the end.

Others have an important chapter.

Some appear briefly but change the entire story.

And some characters...

Well, some characters should've been edited out about 75 pages ago, but that's another article. 😂

The point is, a relationship doesn't have to last forever to have mattered.

That's something I'm learning to accept.

Maybe We Can Just Say Thank You

Not necessarily to them.

Sometimes just to ourselves.

Thank you for what that friendship gave me.

Thank you for the memories.

Thank you for what I learned.

Thank you for who I became during that season.

And then let it be okay that the relationship has changed.

No villain.

No public announcement.

No campaign to make everybody choose sides.

Just two people who shared part of a life together...

and eventually took different roads.

Maybe growing apart isn't always something we need to fix.

Sometimes it's simply something we need to ACCEPT.