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# Do Soulmates Actually Exist or Do We Just Decide Someone Is “The One”?
- URL: https://www.readcapridaily.com/do-soulmates-actually-exist/
- Published: 2026-09-26T13:12:57.000Z
- Updated: 2026-09-26T13:12:57.000Z
- Description: People say you'll know when you've met your soulmate—but how? Is “the one” someone we're destined to find, or someone we choose and build a life with?
- Author:  Erica T. Capri
- Tags: Life, Culture

I've been thinking about soulmates lately.

Not because somebody showed up at my door with flowers or because I had some movie moment where I bumped into a stranger, our hands touched reaching for the same coffee, and suddenly music started playing in the background. 😂

Nothing that dramatic.

I've just genuinely been wondering:

**How would you actually know if you met your soulmate?**

People always say:

*“When you know, you know.”*

Okay...

But **what exactly do you know?**

Because I've met people I felt an immediate connection with who absolutely did not belong in my life forever.

I've loved people who weren't necessarily right for me.

I've felt chemistry that was strong enough to make me think something *had* to be there.

And I'm old enough now to know that chemistry and compatibility are definitely not the same thing.

So if soulmates really exist, what makes that connection different?

## Is There Really One Person for Everybody?

This is the part that gets me.

There are billions of people in the world.

> And I'm supposed to believe there is one specific person assigned to me?

What if he's in Australia?

What if I'm in the grocery store picking out pineapples while my soulmate is somewhere in Italy eating pasta? 😂

Are we just out of luck?

That's why I've always wondered whether the idea of *one person* makes sense.

Maybe there isn't only one.

Maybe there are people we can have incredibly deep connections with at different points in our lives.

Or maybe a soulmate isn't something you **find** at all.

Maybe it's something two people become.

## Because That Instant Connection Can Fool You

Let's talk about chemistry.

Whew.

Chemistry will have you planning a future with somebody whose middle name you don't even know yet. 😂

You meet somebody and the conversation is effortless.

You're attracted to them.

They make you laugh.

You can't stop thinking about them.

You start noticing all these little similarities.

*“OMG, you like that too?”*

Now you're thinking the universe personally arranged this meeting.

Maybe it did.

Or...

maybe y'all just both like tacos.

Let's give it a minute. 😂

I've learned that feeling strongly about someone doesn't automatically mean that person belongs in your life permanently.

Intensity isn't always intimacy.

Chemistry isn't always compatibility.

And butterflies?

Sometimes butterflies are just your nervous system trying to tell you to pay attention.

## So What Would a Soulmate Feel Like?

This is where I get curious.

Would meeting your soulmate feel exciting?

Or would it actually feel...calm?

Would there be fireworks?

Or would there be this strange sense of familiarity?

Would you immediately know?

Or could your soulmate be somebody you didn't even recognize that way at first?

Maybe it's the person you can sit beside without needing to fill every silence.

The person who sees the parts of you that aren't impressive and doesn't suddenly disappear.

The person you don't have to perform around.

The person who knows when something is wrong before you say anything.

The person who challenges you without constantly trying to change you.

That sounds beautiful.

But is that a soulmate?

Or is that simply a healthy relationship?

That's where I get stuck.

## Maybe We Give “The One” Too Much Power

I also wonder whether believing too strongly in soulmates can make us overlook reality.

Because imagine believing:

**This is my person.**

Now what happens when that person repeatedly hurts you?

Do you stay because you believe you're destined to be together?

Do you excuse things you normally wouldn't?

Do you convince yourself every breakup and reconciliation is just part of your “journey”?

That's where I think the soulmate idea can get dangerous.

Being deeply connected to somebody shouldn't mean abandoning your common sense.

I don't care how many signs you saw.

If every sign is telling you this person is your soulmate but the actual person is treating you terribly...

**we may need to reconsider the signs.** 😂

## What If Your Soulmate Isn't Romantic?

Here's another thought.

Why do we automatically assume a soulmate has to be somebody we're romantically in love with?

What about that friend who knows you better than almost anybody?

The person you can call after six months and pick right back up.

A sibling.

A mentor.

Someone who enters your life for a short period but changes you permanently.

Maybe “soulmate” isn't synonymous with “husband,” “wife,” “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”

Maybe some people connect with us in ways that have absolutely nothing to do with romance.

And maybe that's why the idea of having only one soulmate doesn't completely make sense to me.

## Maybe Soulmates Aren't Found—They're Built

The older I get, the more I wonder if this is actually the answer.

Maybe you don't meet someone and magically discover that the universe stamped:

**SOULMATE**

across their forehead.

Maybe you meet somebody.

You like each other.

You learn each other.

You disappoint each other sometimes.

You communicate.

You forgive.

You grow.

You go through difficult seasons.

You celebrate good ones.

You see each other change.

And after years of choosing one another, you look over one day and realize:

**There isn't another person who knows me quite like this.**

Maybe that's what makes somebody “the one.”

Not destiny.

**History. Choice. Trust. Time.**

There's something romantic about that too.

Maybe even more romantic.

## But Then Again...

I can't completely dismiss the other possibility.

Because we've all heard those stories.

Two people meet and immediately feel something they can't explain.

They weren't looking for each other.

Maybe the timing didn't even make sense.

But somehow, years later, they're still together.

And they'll tell you:

*“I knew.”*

I can't tell them they didn't.

Maybe there really are connections we don't fully understand.

Maybe sometimes you meet someone and something inside you recognizes them before your brain catches up.

I don't know.

And honestly?

**I kind of like not knowing.**

## Maybe That's the Point

Maybe soulmates exist.

Maybe we have more than one.

Maybe some soulmates aren't romantic at all.

Maybe they're only meant to be in our lives for a season.

Or maybe nobody arrives perfectly designed for us.

Maybe two imperfect people meet, choose each other over and over, build something irreplaceable and eventually realize they've become what people call soulmates.

I don't know which answer I believe completely.

I'm still thinking about it.

But I do know this:

I don't think love should require you to lose yourself just to prove you've found “the one.”

And I don't think a powerful connection automatically guarantees a permanent relationship.

Maybe the better question isn't:

**“Is this person my soulmate?”**

Maybe it's:

**“Does this person love me well, and do we continue choosing each other when the butterflies aren't doing all the work?”**

Because if soulmates really do exist...

I have a feeling that's probably part of it.

But I'm curious.

**Do you believe there's one person you're meant to find—or do you think soulmates are something we create?**